I turned 30 this week and the message from my husband in my birthday card read, "Don't worry about turning 30...you'll get used to it...of course you'll be 40 by then!".
The "OMG I'm 30" feeling did not set in on my birthday because I had been awake from 11pm the previous night trying to finish the Graduate Project for my Master's degree and I was almost brain dead by the time he came home from work and submitted his birthday greetings. However, after I had finalized my project and had some shuteye, it started sinking in. I did think "*gasp* OMG I'm 30", but the feeling wasn't a bad one at all. I spent the rest of the week reflecting on the past decade.
A lot has happened in the last 10 years of my life: Uni, youth service, road accident, marriage, miscarriage, pregnancies, two children, uni again...etc. And to crown it all the beginning of the next decade coincided with the finalization of my second degree. The experience of being a working mom and studying has been quite intense. Most of my weekends were spent with heavy assignments 'burdens' on my puny shoulders and I always had the intention to "finish this assignment this weekend", which I never fulfilled until 3 days to the due date. There were nights of crying over my computer at 3am because I had only managed to complete 300 words towards a 5000 word essay; days that I came out from the 5th or 6th lecture of a course in a cold sweat thinking "OMG I have got NO IDEA what this lecturer is talking about, OMG OMG OMG"; days when I was having morning sickness and would be doing assignments and taking breaks to throw up;days that I would come home and announce to my husband that I was thinking of dropping the course before the census date because I didn't think I could handle it with everything else that was going on...
All this has now passed and there is the odd feeling that I might wake up and it will just be a good dream...but having slept and woken up a couple of times now, I am ecstatic that it is still real.
I would not have been able to get past the last 10 years if it were not for the people in my life. I am quite open and talkative so everyone in my world did go for the ride with me even if they didn't want to. As a result, I believe I owe everyone a thank you note so here goes:
*Dear Husband,
Thank you for being my biggest fan. Thanks for carrying more than your fair share of the responsibilities at home because I was pregnant, or sick or finishing an assignment or just lazy. Thanks for not letting me quit the 1 million times I wanted to give up and take the easier option. Thanks for praying for me. Thanks for not helping me do my essays when I begged you to ( I will be returning that favor). Thanks for loving me through this last decade and for promising to stay by me for the next 7 or so.
*Dear Princess 1,
Thanks for watching hours and hours of TV because I was too caught up in an assignment to play games with you. Thanks for letting Daddy put you to sleep when I couldn't because I was sick or busy. Thanks for the random "I love you mummy" that encouraged me when I was down. Thanks for the part you unknowingly play in helping me put things in perspective.
*Dear Princess 2,
Thanks for letting me let you cry for a bit while I typed away on the computer. Thanks for smiling at me when I finally did get to you. Thanks for being easy and undemanding. Don't change now.
*Dear family,
Thanks for praying for me, calling me, listening to me and being there for me.
*Dear friends,
Thanks for letting me wear you down time and time again with the issues in my pregnancies, my fears, my worries, my yays, etc. Thanks for letting me cry over the phone and praying with me. Thanks for encouraging me to have faith and not give in to my over active imagination. Thanks for making that stew or that soup when I had a baby, or when I was hospitalized. Thanks for standing by me when I needed support and for all your prayers.
*Dear God,
I owe my biggest thanks to you. You have always come through for me when I have cried out to you. You have helped me and supported me like you said you would. I promised that I would tell everyone of your goodness to me and I am doing that now. Through the desperate moments and the happy ones you have remained beside me and planted a support network around me.
I look forward to the next stage in life. I am excited that I can now be a mom without having to worry about assignments. I am excited that I can now read my stash of magazines, watch endless cartoon and comedy channels, update my blog, play with my phone apps, and trawl through fashion websites without feeling guilty. I have scrapbooks to make, art & craft ideas to try out on my children, home and gardening ideas to try out, markets to visit, it goes on and on...I think my husband ought to be worried that I now have all this time on my hands.
I'm not sure what I will achieve in the next 10 years, but looking back, I appreciate that sometimes we have to experience some level of discomfort in order to achieve some goals. I do feel privileged that I have this support around me, cheering me on to do more. I hope that I am also part of a support network to all my friends and family and do cheer them on to achieve more in their lives as well.
On my birthday, I realized that the best presents I received were life, faith, family and friends...and it didn't matter if I had money in the bank or not because these gifts cannot be purchased.
Muchas Gracias
