Childlike repentance

"Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven." - Matthew 18:3

Today my older daughter stunned me by throwing her pyjamas into the toilet. No, the toilet was not flushed and No, there wasn't any poo at the time. I dispensed discipline and correction and upon her remorse, repentance and tears, I offered forgiveness verbally. She asked if I was still her friend and I replied in the affirmative. Happy with my verbal commitment, she moved on. I did not. I was still upset about what she did and the fact that I was now required to wash those pyjamas. However,when I found that I couldn't justify punishing her further by silence because I continued to ponder on her actions, I had to shake the thoughts and move on.
Flip the coin the other way. We sin, we are remorseful and repent of our sins. Once we confess them, God forgives. All the time, God moves on. Many times, we don't. We refuse to forgive ourselves and hang on to self condemnation - "How could I have failed God in this way?" Similar questions ravage our thoughts for days on end and we find it difficult to accept God's forgiveness like children and move on. Why is this?
The way I see it, Pride is the cause. Somehow we don't want to have a reason to ask for forgiveness. Perfection is what we have been commanded by God, however, when we want to be perfect for the purposes of boasting in our inability to sin rather than in his grace, we sin because we desire to boast of our achievements rather than to please God. Refusal to accept the forgiveness God offers implies that Christ's sacrifice is not enough to forgive whatever sin we have committed and that somehow God lies when He says it's enough. Pride.
On the other hand, does humility and acceptance of Christ's sacrifice give us a license to continue to sin? As Paul says in Romans 6, a resounding "NO". However, if we do fall short of God's grace, He expects us to repent as sincerely as children, accept His forgiveness with the faith of a child and move on with the joy of a child - confident and comforted in His love and forgiveness.

Diaries of a lifetime

20 January 1981

Dear Diary,
What an amazing day this is! I have just had my first child. A daughter. My own life-size doll to cherish and love; to dress up and sing silly songs with; to feed and bathe; to rock to sleep; and to turn her into a mini-me.I shall call her Nancy.
-Entry by Mother of Nancy

15 February 1990

Dear Diary,
What a fantastic day this is! I just got my first diary and I intend to write in it every day of my life. I have a penpal and she lives in India. It is amazing to have my own very friend on another side of the world.
-Entry by Nancy

18 March 1992

Dear Diary,
What a terrible day I had today! I fought with my best friend aka Okpokoro mbe. I am not sure if we will remain friends.
-Entry by Nancy

27 April 1994

Dear Diary,
What an annoying day! My friends Kana and Chukwuemeka drew a terrible caricature of me and said and I quote "it's good to have a passport". I reported them to Oxy and he had them punished. However, he mentioned that the "passport" looked a lot like me. I couldn't believe it. The big ogo and protruding bottom lips? What a joke.
-Entry by Nancy

15 May 1997

Dear Diary,
What a close shave I had today. My mom found a love letter in my bag but I negotiated with her and she decided not to show my Dad. That would have been the end of life as I know it. Phew.
-Entry by Nancy

22 June 1999

Dear Diary,
What an amazing year this is going to be! I am a freshman at Uni and I live at the hostel. Imagine all the grown up things I can do...lectures, boys, parties, oh this is cool man.
-Entry by Nancy

10 July 2000

Dear Diary,
Today I fell in love with the guy of my dreams. He is tall, funny, caring, well built and his eyes...they can woo even the most ferocious of females.
-Entry by Nancy

16 August 2002

Dear Diary,
What a boring day! It's fair to say that my near future will be full of boring weeks upon boring weeks and I hope I don't die of boredom. I have moved back home from Uni and all my friends are not in town. How can a girl survive like this? I can't wait to graduate and own my life.I hate staying at home, there's just so much work to to do and nothing fun happening.
-Entry by Nancy

4 September 2004

Dear Diary,
I can't wait for today to end. I am far away from civilization in a hot and arid location doing my youth service. I am broke, electricity has just failed, it is burning hot, there is zero wind, a million flies are flying about, my phone has been stolen and I miss my fiance. When will this end? There is no end in sight, just endless months of living in this windless furnace. I can't wait to be done with this service and move back home. Oh, home, the comfort of an air conditioner and meals cooked at the right time. These thoughts are not helping me right now.
-Entry by Nancy

9 October 2006

Dear Diary,
My dreams have come true today. I just married my best friend of 6 years and the future is bright. Words cannot express how happy I am today. *sigh*
-Entry by Nancy

17 November 2008

Dear Diary,
I'm sorry it's been a while, but I have been going through a difficult pregnancy. But today, I am glad to inform you that I have just had my first child. A daughter. My own life-size doll to cherish and love; to dress up and sing silly songs with; to feed and bathe; to rock to sleep; and to turn her into a mini-me.I shall call her Zabby.
-Entry by Nancy

30 December 2011

Dear Diary,
What a happy sad day I had today. We went to visit my best friend but my Mom wouldn't let me sleep over. I was not happy when we came home but I am happy now because Dora the Explorer is on TV. I love watching Dora.
-Entry by Zabby

You get the idea don't you? We all have a past and it is full of memories. Some happy. Some sad. The surprising thing is that when you rewind your thoughts and feelings to when you created some of the memories that pull at your heartstrings today, you were actually not having a good time then. I miss my high school years. I miss the lack of responsibility I had when I was young without a care in the world. I miss those days during my youth service when I was cash broke but rich in the experience of a new location and culture.
Today the sky was blue and there were pretty fluffy clouds floating about up there. The sun was out and the wind was playing with the trees. I enjoyed a play date with a friend and I enjoyed watching "singing in the rain" over and over again with my girls.
I'm getting it now, aren't I? I am trying to enjoy "today" so that when I look back on "yesterday" I will be satisfied in knowing that I didn't let it sneak past me. And if a certain "today" falls into the "bad day" category? I pray that I would be able to pick out something to enjoy and be thankful for - even if it's just for gift of being able to 'see' the clouds and 'feel' the wind.