Childlike repentance

"Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven." - Matthew 18:3

Today my older daughter stunned me by throwing her pyjamas into the toilet. No, the toilet was not flushed and No, there wasn't any poo at the time. I dispensed discipline and correction and upon her remorse, repentance and tears, I offered forgiveness verbally. She asked if I was still her friend and I replied in the affirmative. Happy with my verbal commitment, she moved on. I did not. I was still upset about what she did and the fact that I was now required to wash those pyjamas. However,when I found that I couldn't justify punishing her further by silence because I continued to ponder on her actions, I had to shake the thoughts and move on.
Flip the coin the other way. We sin, we are remorseful and repent of our sins. Once we confess them, God forgives. All the time, God moves on. Many times, we don't. We refuse to forgive ourselves and hang on to self condemnation - "How could I have failed God in this way?" Similar questions ravage our thoughts for days on end and we find it difficult to accept God's forgiveness like children and move on. Why is this?
The way I see it, Pride is the cause. Somehow we don't want to have a reason to ask for forgiveness. Perfection is what we have been commanded by God, however, when we want to be perfect for the purposes of boasting in our inability to sin rather than in his grace, we sin because we desire to boast of our achievements rather than to please God. Refusal to accept the forgiveness God offers implies that Christ's sacrifice is not enough to forgive whatever sin we have committed and that somehow God lies when He says it's enough. Pride.
On the other hand, does humility and acceptance of Christ's sacrifice give us a license to continue to sin? As Paul says in Romans 6, a resounding "NO". However, if we do fall short of God's grace, He expects us to repent as sincerely as children, accept His forgiveness with the faith of a child and move on with the joy of a child - confident and comforted in His love and forgiveness.

Diaries of a lifetime

20 January 1981

Dear Diary,
What an amazing day this is! I have just had my first child. A daughter. My own life-size doll to cherish and love; to dress up and sing silly songs with; to feed and bathe; to rock to sleep; and to turn her into a mini-me.I shall call her Nancy.
-Entry by Mother of Nancy

15 February 1990

Dear Diary,
What a fantastic day this is! I just got my first diary and I intend to write in it every day of my life. I have a penpal and she lives in India. It is amazing to have my own very friend on another side of the world.
-Entry by Nancy

18 March 1992

Dear Diary,
What a terrible day I had today! I fought with my best friend aka Okpokoro mbe. I am not sure if we will remain friends.
-Entry by Nancy

27 April 1994

Dear Diary,
What an annoying day! My friends Kana and Chukwuemeka drew a terrible caricature of me and said and I quote "it's good to have a passport". I reported them to Oxy and he had them punished. However, he mentioned that the "passport" looked a lot like me. I couldn't believe it. The big ogo and protruding bottom lips? What a joke.
-Entry by Nancy

15 May 1997

Dear Diary,
What a close shave I had today. My mom found a love letter in my bag but I negotiated with her and she decided not to show my Dad. That would have been the end of life as I know it. Phew.
-Entry by Nancy

22 June 1999

Dear Diary,
What an amazing year this is going to be! I am a freshman at Uni and I live at the hostel. Imagine all the grown up things I can do...lectures, boys, parties, oh this is cool man.
-Entry by Nancy

10 July 2000

Dear Diary,
Today I fell in love with the guy of my dreams. He is tall, funny, caring, well built and his eyes...they can woo even the most ferocious of females.
-Entry by Nancy

16 August 2002

Dear Diary,
What a boring day! It's fair to say that my near future will be full of boring weeks upon boring weeks and I hope I don't die of boredom. I have moved back home from Uni and all my friends are not in town. How can a girl survive like this? I can't wait to graduate and own my life.I hate staying at home, there's just so much work to to do and nothing fun happening.
-Entry by Nancy

4 September 2004

Dear Diary,
I can't wait for today to end. I am far away from civilization in a hot and arid location doing my youth service. I am broke, electricity has just failed, it is burning hot, there is zero wind, a million flies are flying about, my phone has been stolen and I miss my fiance. When will this end? There is no end in sight, just endless months of living in this windless furnace. I can't wait to be done with this service and move back home. Oh, home, the comfort of an air conditioner and meals cooked at the right time. These thoughts are not helping me right now.
-Entry by Nancy

9 October 2006

Dear Diary,
My dreams have come true today. I just married my best friend of 6 years and the future is bright. Words cannot express how happy I am today. *sigh*
-Entry by Nancy

17 November 2008

Dear Diary,
I'm sorry it's been a while, but I have been going through a difficult pregnancy. But today, I am glad to inform you that I have just had my first child. A daughter. My own life-size doll to cherish and love; to dress up and sing silly songs with; to feed and bathe; to rock to sleep; and to turn her into a mini-me.I shall call her Zabby.
-Entry by Nancy

30 December 2011

Dear Diary,
What a happy sad day I had today. We went to visit my best friend but my Mom wouldn't let me sleep over. I was not happy when we came home but I am happy now because Dora the Explorer is on TV. I love watching Dora.
-Entry by Zabby

You get the idea don't you? We all have a past and it is full of memories. Some happy. Some sad. The surprising thing is that when you rewind your thoughts and feelings to when you created some of the memories that pull at your heartstrings today, you were actually not having a good time then. I miss my high school years. I miss the lack of responsibility I had when I was young without a care in the world. I miss those days during my youth service when I was cash broke but rich in the experience of a new location and culture.
Today the sky was blue and there were pretty fluffy clouds floating about up there. The sun was out and the wind was playing with the trees. I enjoyed a play date with a friend and I enjoyed watching "singing in the rain" over and over again with my girls.
I'm getting it now, aren't I? I am trying to enjoy "today" so that when I look back on "yesterday" I will be satisfied in knowing that I didn't let it sneak past me. And if a certain "today" falls into the "bad day" category? I pray that I would be able to pick out something to enjoy and be thankful for - even if it's just for gift of being able to 'see' the clouds and 'feel' the wind.

Muchas Gracias

I turned 30 this week and the message from my husband in my birthday card read, "Don't worry about turning 30...you'll get used to it...of course you'll be 40 by then!".
The "OMG I'm 30" feeling did not set in on my birthday because I had been awake from 11pm the previous night trying to finish the Graduate Project for my Master's degree and I was almost brain dead by the time he came home from work and submitted his birthday greetings. However, after I had finalized my project and had some shuteye, it started sinking in. I did think "*gasp* OMG I'm 30", but the feeling wasn't a bad one at all. I spent the rest of the week reflecting on the past decade.

A lot has happened in the last 10 years of my life: Uni, youth service, road accident, marriage, miscarriage, pregnancies, two children, uni again...etc. And to crown it all the beginning of the next decade coincided with the finalization of my second degree. The experience of being a working mom and studying has been quite intense. Most of my weekends were spent with heavy assignments 'burdens' on my puny shoulders and I always had the intention to "finish this assignment this weekend", which I never fulfilled until 3 days to the due date. There were nights of crying over my computer at 3am because I had only managed to complete 300 words towards a 5000 word essay; days that I came out from the 5th or 6th lecture of a course in a cold sweat thinking "OMG I have got NO IDEA what this lecturer is talking about, OMG OMG OMG"; days when I was having morning sickness and would be doing assignments and taking breaks to throw up;days that I would come home and announce to my husband that I was thinking of dropping the course before the census date because I didn't think I could handle it with everything else that was going on...
All this has now passed and there is the odd feeling that I might wake up and it will just be a good dream...but having slept and woken up a couple of times now, I am ecstatic that it is still real.

I would not have been able to get past the last 10 years if it were not for the people in my life. I am quite open and talkative so everyone in my world did go for the ride with me even if they didn't want to. As a result, I believe I owe everyone a thank you note so here goes:

*Dear Husband,
Thank you for being my biggest fan. Thanks for carrying more than your fair share of the responsibilities at home because I was pregnant, or sick or finishing an assignment or just lazy. Thanks for not letting me quit the 1 million times I wanted to give up and take the easier option. Thanks for praying for me. Thanks for not helping me do my essays when I begged you to ( I will be returning that favor). Thanks for loving me through this last decade and for promising to stay by me for the next 7 or so.

*Dear Princess 1,
Thanks for watching hours and hours of TV because I was too caught up in an assignment to play games with you. Thanks for letting Daddy put you to sleep when I couldn't because I was sick or busy. Thanks for the random "I love you mummy" that encouraged me when I was down. Thanks for the part you unknowingly play in helping me put things in perspective.

*Dear Princess 2,
Thanks for letting me let you cry for a bit while I typed away on the computer. Thanks for smiling at me when I finally did get to you. Thanks for being easy and undemanding. Don't change now.

*Dear family,
Thanks for praying for me, calling me, listening to me and being there for me.

*Dear friends,
Thanks for letting me wear you down time and time again with the issues in my pregnancies, my fears, my worries, my yays, etc. Thanks for letting me cry over the phone and praying with me. Thanks for encouraging me to have faith and not give in to my over active imagination. Thanks for making that stew or that soup when I had a baby, or when I was hospitalized. Thanks for standing by me when I needed support and for all your prayers.

*Dear God,
I owe my biggest thanks to you. You have always come through for me when I have cried out to you. You have helped me and supported me like you said you would. I promised that I would tell everyone of your goodness to me and I am doing that now. Through the desperate moments and the happy ones you have remained beside me and planted a support network around me.

I look forward to the next stage in life. I am excited that I can now be a mom without having to worry about assignments. I am excited that I can now read my stash of magazines, watch endless cartoon and comedy channels, update my blog, play with my phone apps, and trawl through fashion websites without feeling guilty. I have scrapbooks to make, art & craft ideas to try out on my children, home and gardening ideas to try out, markets to visit, it goes on and on...I think my husband ought to be worried that I now have all this time on my hands.

I'm not sure what I will achieve in the next 10 years, but looking back, I appreciate that sometimes we have to experience some level of discomfort in order to achieve some goals. I do feel privileged that I have this support around me, cheering me on to do more. I hope that I am also part of a support network to all my friends and family and do cheer them on to achieve more in their lives as well.

On my birthday, I realized that the best presents I received were life, faith, family and friends...and it didn't matter if I had money in the bank or not because these gifts cannot be purchased.
Muchas Gracias

Where the heck is my neck

25 Journal Avenue,
Brisbane
Qld 4000,
Australia.
5th July 2011.

The Manager,
Missing People & Items Unit
Secret Location
USA.

RE THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MY NECK

Dear Manager,

'Twas a sunny morn just like this when I awoke to find something amiss. Alas my neck had found me heavier and disappeared for a while. It was in vain that I searched for it because it had decided not to be found. What with the disappearing Chilean ash, my poor neck could have strayed as far as Neverland.
Of it's certain return I have no doubt, although my timing might miss the mark. Pray, if you find it would you pass on a message? Well, how would you know when you see it? Here's how you can tell. 'Tis brown, slim and slender and features oft in magazines.
Would you tell it not to tarry on this journey away from me? For soon I'll be delivered of my young, and need it's services again.

Your faithfully,
Nancy
Former and prospective neck owner

Decision-making patterns in public toilets

WARNING: The word 'toilet' appears in this article approximately 500 times.


Recently, I have caught myself pondering about how people go about decision-making in public toilets. Blame it on my formal background in Economics or just on my general weirdness, but I do catch myself on this train of thought...frequently. Consequently, I have developed a basic theory of what influences people's decisions about which toilets to use or to avoid, and I think this might help you understand your own choices.

I have observed that toilets send different messages depending on whether they are open or closed.
An open toilet says to a potential user, "What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it".
A closed toilet says, "I make no promises.You never know what is up for offer, so try and see".

Imagine that the closest public toilet only had two cubicles. Now, if both toilets were open one will most likely inspect both and choose the cleaner. When one toilet is open and the other closed, choice depends on whether the person is risk averse or risk prone. If you are not prone to taking risks, you will choose the open one if it is reasonably clean. A small scale choice problem emerges if you don't like what the open one offers. In this case, 'the grass is greener on the other side' manner of thinking is most likely to prevail and one would choose the closed toilet instead.

The biggest problem emerges when both toilets are closed. In such situations your sight is not of any help, so other senses (especially the sense of smell) are employed to enable you make the best decision. In the event that all your senses fail to enlighten you on the true conditions of both cubicles, you suddenly find yourself in a situation where you have to make a blind decision. This could go either way and the experience ends up being one of pleasant surprise and relief OR one of agony and endurance. Unfortunately, neither experience prepares one for making the best of future decisions in the toilet arena. It is always a stab in the dark.

Next time you find yourself in a public toilet, take a moment to evaluate your decision making processes.

DISCLAIMER: These theories are based solely on observations in female toilets, so take appropriate caution when applying them to the male toilet scenario.

The stinky thief that came to Brisbane

This year started like many others - amid amazing fireworks, high hopes and happy new year wishes. One thing set it apart from other new years though - it was a rainy and overcast one. We handled the rain well. Some of us traveled to other states where there was a lot of sunshine to spare, some traveled overseas to frolic in the snow and others stayed behind to employ their umbrellas.

Before we could breathe in and out five hundred times, the Christmas/new year holiday was well and truly over and it was time to head back to work. This was when we realized that something was just a little bit 'off' about the weather. The rain hadn't taken a breather. The Christmas tunes on the airwaves gave way to more serious news about flooding in the Northern part of Queensland. We watched the news, we felt bad, sent up some silent prayers for those affected, donated our money, went to bed, woke up, and went to work. Life continued as normal.
No one had any idea that the watery thief was making its determined way to us.

We were still recovering from the after effects of the Christmas and new year food and trying to remember our work passwords and job descriptions when Toowoomba was hit. It was a 100% natural disaster, much like the ones we have always seen in the TV happening in Asia, South America, the US, etc, only it was just 2 hours away from us. Flash floods from nowhere swept through tranquil Toowoomba in the middle of the day and took cars, houses, animals and people. We couldn't believe it. We were still reeling from the shock of what we were seeing when the forecast that the waters were coming to Brisbane was delivered.
Brisbane went into overdrive. Reactions were varied, no one was sure if they were safe or not. From what we saw in Toowoomba and the Lockyer Valley, it looked like Brisbane could be submerged with its residents clinging to their roofs for dear life. Some of us had no idea how to even get up on our roofs. Everyone was glued to the news. The waters kept drawing close, the rain kept falling and most people were asked to leave work and go home to do what they had to do to stay alive. That was when it dawned on some of us that we were actually in danger. Brisbane was going to get flooded. It might be as bad as 1974. Many of us weren't even born in 1974!

Almost everyone headed to the shops to stock up on 'stuff'. Some of us had no idea what to buy in such an emergency, so we bought perishable stuff like roast chicken. Now we know what to buy - batteries, torches, candles, gas, AM battery operated radios, long life milk, canned food, bread, bottled water and car phone chargers.
Our pantries were stocked, so all we could do was wait. wait and wait for the flood. After waiting and watching the news, we started sandbagging our houses, moving stuff to higher grounds and then waiting some more.

Then we saw it. The flood had arrived. It was brown, smelly and thick with mud and stuff. We observed it for a while. It wasn't the crazy, deadly flash flood we saw in Toowoomba and the Lockyer Valley. This one was seeping slowly and steadily into town. It was rising quickly too. Our backyard became a river and we decided to remove ourselves and go to a safer neighborhood. The river was meant to peak around 4am and some were determine to hold a vigil and see what the flood gets up to. Others were not as determined and succumbed to sleep after midnight. Morning came and we could feel the tension and anxiety in the air. What happened overnight?

Well what happened was that some houses had been totaled and were submerged under this smelly thick brown water. Others were only partially submerged but totally damaged as well. Most of us had some share in the visitation of the flood but a few suburbs in Brisbane escaped unscathed. It was like they were in another country.
In about two days or so, the flood decided to exit. But it left some of its belongings. The thief had come to steal, kill and destroy. It stole homes that people had spent their lives building, it stole business built on years of sweat and hard work, it destroyed cars and belongings and killed some people. Queensland was wounded and her sister states rallied around her. Yes, our beautiful things had gone and we were left with the mud and devastation, but we were strong and the One in us would not be overcome by what was happening around us. Brisbane rose up and began to clean up. Strangers became like relatives, crying together, cleaning up together, bringing food, laughter and hope to dark, sad hearts. We would not be beaten down.

The floods have become a defining moment for a lot of Queenslanders. There are the 'before the flood' family members and 'after the flood' survivors. For some, life will never be the same again because they have lost family members or all their possessions. Yes, there is still a long way to go in the recovery process, but we are determined to get there and our latter days will be better and stronger than our former days.

Here's to all those who came out to crush the defeat that the flood had intended under their feet, help clean up Queensland and help her get back up on her feet. Your labour of love will never be forgotten!
AUSSIE! AUSSIE!! AUSSIE!!! OI! OI!! OI!!!

An averagely good day

My alarm slept in and I woke up late. Like a giant Kangaroo, I leapt from the bed straight into the shower.
Dressing upping, 'breakfasting', daycare bag-packing and good morning cuddling for baby were crammed into 12 minutes. 2 extra minutes, nay 3, were employed for hello-ing and goodbye-ing the hubby, kissing baby and sprinting across the road to the bus stop.
I made the bus - ticket in hand, hair brushed, face devoid of makeup and ears devoid of earphones. Makeup was applied on the bus (as usual) and a decision was made to defer earphones until lunch time.
The day was looking good already. No one was sharing the bus seat with me; the sky was blue with blobs of white clouds; the sun was not too far away and the streets had been kissed by a drizzle of rain; the wind was playing with the leaves and the bus was making strides in good time. The wind reached out for me when I got down at the bus stop, the trees swayed in greeting and the sun was smiling as I walked to my office. Yes, there was no doubt that this was a good day.
The day was going to be spent playing, nay, working on budgets and answering a lot of questions.
Sure enough, budgets and emails were part of this good day, morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea followed each other almost too closely. A sudden sniffle became a good excuse to avoid the gym and head home for a comforting cup of hot chocolate.
Cuddles from baby; hugs from hubby; a 30 minute dose of the Flinstones show; 1 episode of the In the night garden kid's program and a hot dinner were only 2 bus rides away and a welcome way to conclude such a day.